I have a habit of keeping things to myself. I now consider it quite a bad habit, because a habit that does me no good is no good to me.
There are many sayings which teach us about the importance of keeping your business to yourself, it’s nothing to do with anybody else! But can the same be said about God’s business? I’m a Christian, not the best by all means, but I try to be the best that I can be. I understand the power of fellowship and I appreciate how God uses other people to speak directly into my situations and to counsel me when I need it and even when I think I don’t. It’s a constant reminder that His power and His spirit is in and around me every challenging step of this amazing way.
And yet I have still spent so many years keeping things to myself. Things that I felt ashamed of, things that I felt that others wouldn’t understand, things that I felt no one else would care about, things that overwhelmed me and convinced me that no one should know for fear of being judged or cast away.
Things have a way of making you feel as if nothing else matters.
The enemy has a way of convincing you to keep things hidden away because what is kept in the dark is to its glory.
But my biggest lesson learned this year was such an eye opener. It helped me to understand why I spent so many years stuck in a vicious cycle of hurt, doubt and inconsistency.
In order to truly experience God’s mercy and Grace we have to be willing to reveal so that He can heal. If we don’t share our problems how we can we expect them to get fixed? God will wait, He’s good at that! Especially when it comes to us stubborn humans like me! We convince ourselves that our healing is unobtainable because we are undeserving. I spent so many years feeling this way. As a result I cut myself off from the very people that I believe God sent my way to help me through my pain. Sometimes our pain is so loud and blinding that it prevents us from obtaining that which God has set out for us.
So I began to reveal so that I could heal. I recognised that I am above my pain because I changed my perspective. My gaze rested on my God given purpose and it revealed exactly what I needed to do.
I stopped wishing and started praying for better days. I started sharing my heart with a few trusted souls and they helped me to work through some of the darkest days of my life.
We were not sent here to get through life alone. Even if it’s just one person in our life, we need to have others in our life that we can rely on.
I understand how traumatic loneliness can be and how damaging it can be to an individual’s mental state, I’ve been there, at times, I’m still there, but I keep believing, keep praying and keep hoping because I know the power and might that it has taken to get me to where I am now.
During this festive season, I am so thankful for all that I am and how far I have come.
I’ve lost so much but gained so much more. I have given up so many times in this past year alone, but by God’s grace and the love and support of a trusted few I have made it and I’m still winning.
If you want your life to change, you have to change yourself first.
I had to change my mindset in order to elevate and experience growth. The kind of growth that will form the foundation of the legacy that I hope to leave behind for my children and their children and generations to come.
In order to be the person that I am now I had to accept that where I was, wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I accepted that doing the same thing in a different way was not going to get me anywhere but stuck where I was.
I had to overcome fear, disappointment, loss, grief and replace them with courage, determination and resilience.
As a result, my children have a mum that they can rely on and I can rely on myself to make the right choices for the right reasons.
Because I changed first, my life changed.
I will walk into 2018 with a stronger body, mind and spirit.
If you want change in your life you have to be willing to change bad habits about yourself first. Only then will you truly experience everlasting and meaningful change.