Recently I keep finding myself wondering if I’m where I should be. I question my position in life and wonder if I should have gone about things differently. I find myself doubting the choices that I have made and begin to convince myself that I’ve made too many mistakes to be living right.
I add further insult to injury by focusing too much on how much I’ve lost instead of how much I’ve gained. How far I still have to go instead of how far I’ve actually come.
The irrational thoughts begin to spiral out of control as the nonsense begins to suddenly make sense. I become trapped in my own web of deceit.
It’s so easy to look down on yourself. It’s much harder to shift your perspective and look up to the power and strength that you truly are.
I find myself feeling angry at times without even really knowing why. But it is common knowledge that anger is a symptom of fear.
I realised that my fear stems from the ability to keep comparing myself to others and the inability to recognise the uniqueness that makes me the wonderful, motivated and aspirational woman that I am now.
I believe that the many questions and doubts are signposts towards an uncertainty as a result of straying away from where God needs us to be.
We have to learn to listen to the questions and let the answers that are revealed guide us back to centre.
Often it’s not obvious that we have strayed because where we end up can feel comfortable. But it’s only when we make ourselves uncomfortable that we truly experience real growth and change for the better. We were not built to stay the same forever. We have to let go in order to grow. We have to accept change in order to gain. We have to remain determined and strong in order to hold onto what we need and believe.
Everything that I have done, everything that I have seen, everywhere that I have been is rooted into my journey because it’s the only way that I could learn one of my life’s very important lessons.
I’ve never done anything that God didn’t need me to do. I’ve never seen anything that God didn’t need me to see. I’ve never been anywhere where God didn’t need me to be.
Every joy, every pain, every love, every shame, everything that has chipped away at me has shaped me into the person that I am today.
For this reason I can’t have any regrets. For this reason I have to accept that I am exactly where God needs me to be, seeing exactly what he needs me to see, doing exactly what he needs me to do.
I may not truly understand but it’s not my job to understand. My job is to have faith that in all things, God will bring me through and keep me close to him.
So the next time that you’re questioning why or wondering why not, remember to look within to analyse how much you need to learn about where you are so that you can apply that learning to the next phase. This is not it for you.
You are exactly where you need to be. It will lead you to where you need to go.
‘Consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.’ Romans 8:18 NIV