purpose

Am I really headed in the right direction?

Recently I keep finding myself wondering if I’m where I should be. I question my position in life and wonder if I should have gone about things differently. I find myself doubting the choices that I have made and begin to convince myself that I’ve made too many mistakes to be living right.

I add further insult to injury by focusing too much on how much I’ve lost instead of how much I’ve gained. How far I still have to go instead of how far I’ve actually come.

The irrational thoughts begin to spiral out of control as the nonsense begins to suddenly make sense. I become trapped in my own web of deceit.

It’s so easy to look down on yourself. It’s much harder to shift your perspective and look up to the power and strength that you truly are.

I find myself feeling angry at times without even really knowing why. But it is common knowledge that anger is a symptom of fear.

I realised that my fear stems from the ability to keep comparing myself to others and the inability to recognise the uniqueness that makes me the wonderful, motivated and aspirational woman that I am now.

I believe that the many questions and doubts are signposts towards an uncertainty as a result of straying away from where God needs us to be.

We have to learn to listen to the questions and let the answers that are revealed guide us back to centre.

Often it’s not obvious that we have strayed because where we end up can feel comfortable. But it’s only when we make ourselves uncomfortable that we truly experience real growth and change for the better. We were not built to stay the same forever. We have to let go in order to grow. We have to accept change in order to gain. We have to remain determined and strong in order to hold onto what we need and believe.

Everything that I have done, everything that I have seen, everywhere that I have been is rooted into my journey because it’s the only way that I could learn one of my life’s very important lessons.

I’ve never done anything that God didn’t need me to do. I’ve never seen anything that God didn’t need me to see. I’ve never been anywhere where God didn’t need me to be.

Every joy, every pain, every love, every shame, everything that has chipped away at me has shaped me into the person that I am today.

For this reason I can’t have any regrets. For this reason I have to accept that I am exactly where God needs me to be, seeing exactly what he needs me to see, doing exactly what he needs me to do.

I may not truly understand but it’s not my job to understand. My job is to have faith that in all things, God will bring me through and keep me close to him.

So the next time that you’re questioning why or wondering why not, remember to look within to analyse how much you need to learn about where you are so that you can apply that learning to the next phase. This is not it for you.

You are exactly where you need to be. It will lead you to where you need to go.

Consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.’ Romans 8:18 NIV

Advertisements
Standard
purpose

Is this moment better than the worst?

I often wonder about what is to come.

Is it going to get any better?

Is this is it for me?

Is the pain and suffering that I’m experiencing now worth all of the trouble that it’s causing?

Every time that these thoughts come, I think back to previous battles that I didn’t think were worth fighting for, I think of the times when I didn’t think that I was strong enough to overcome. I look back at the times when I was on my knees, crying out to God for his Mercy and Grace which just seemed to never come. I think of all of the people who gave up on me because my pain was too much for them to bear.

I think of the times when I was calling for the light to brighten the darkness that I was trapped in.

I ponder the moments when the spirit of God seemed to just pass me by, when it seemed as if I wasn’t worth saving, when nothing else mattered other than no longer existing.

I think of all of these moments of brokenness. I wonder how I’m still here, still breathing, basking in the joy that fills my soul; the very soul that until recently felt empty, void of any hope, powerless and lost.

I couldn’t have survived all that I’ve been through without the intervention of a higher power. Without the mercy and patience of a power beyond anything I could ever try to imagine.

It’s not something that I find easy to explain, it’s not something I would even expect many to understand. But for the few that do, be encouraged, it does get better. I can testify that even in this moment, what lies ahead really is worth holding out for.

The extraordinary tends not to make much sense to begin with. Instead of wasting energy trying to comprehend that which is holding us together, use the time instead to deepen the connection to it and as the relationship develops, so too will the understanding of it.

I don’t claim to fully overstand every experience that I have faced, but I try to look within each one for the lesson it was trying to teach me. I aim to grasp the authenticity of every interaction that touches my mind, body and spirit.

My aim is to deepen my connection with my inner self so that my outer being can evoke a strength beyond any barrier that might try to bend or break me.

I am a spirit builder, I won’t stop until the foundation is set and that which is built upon it is strong enough to withhold any storm. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m working everyday towards the goal.

The light within must shine bright enough to drown out even the darkest shadow.

I have hope that I will get there. My hope keeps me going everyday, even when the past fights to keep me there, in my brokenness and hopelessness. I keep pushing through and continue to press ahead.

I will not surrender. I will not forget how much I have already overcome.

I will breath, I will survive, I will be ok.

‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God’. (John 14:1)

#SpiritOfTheFittest #LightOverDark

#Yes #IAmInAwe #Love #Power #Might #Spirit #KeepGoing #ItsJustATest #YouWillWin #GodsSpirit

Standard
purpose

Do I have to lose in order for you to win?

We live our lives constantly experiencing imbalances of power.

As a child at school we’re either the bully or the bullied, at work we’re either the employer or the employee and at home we’re either the submissive or the dismissive. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we cannot avoid imbalance. Without this hierarchy there would be no sense of order. Or would there?

If we all started life on a level playing field how might the world look and feel? From the outside, things would seem much fairer, we would all have access to the same things at the same time in exactly the same way. Though I’m not so sure if I would be comfortable being the same as everybody else. For starters, what motivating stories about challenge and how to overcome them, would I be able to pass on to my children and their children?

Privilege is a huge imbalance that often determines the course of somebody’s life. It can either propel someone to greatness or attempt to hold someone back from achieving their true greatness.

If we all had equal access to the tools needed to succeed in life then maybe we might all get what we want out of life. Unfortunately this is not the case, and life as we know it, is very unfair.

However, one thing that I have learned through my lack of privilege is that what I want is not the same as what I need. I wouldn’t know what I needed out of life if I spent most of it getting exactly what I wanted whenever I wanted it. I wouldn’t understand the importance of God’s timing over my timing.

I know what it is to taste, to touch, to smell, to hear, to feel and to see hardship. The privilege of experiencing such hardship propelled me into the greatness that I experience regularly today.

I am still on my journey towards everlasting happiness and success but I also acknowledge the great achievements that have come along the way. I made it through my childhood where I often faced great sadness, depression and anxiety, low self-esteem, poverty and lack of opportunity.

I overcame all of those to make it into my 20’s. This era began at my lowest point. Two weeks after my first real encounter with feeling as if I had nothing left to live for, balanced itself out to become one of my highest points when I found out I was pregnant with my first child.

This era also saw a mix of further highs and lows including Marriage, another child, physical and mental abuse, career changes, setbacks, more setbacks and then a revelation that would change the course of my life forever.

At a point where I felt so lost that I thought I would never be found, at a point where I felt that I had so much on my plate at times but no appetite to eat it all; at my lowest point where it felt that l could contribute nothing more to this life, when I felt so unbalanced that the scales of life would never balance in my favour again – I found a new sense of life, I found Jesus.

Now, we may find anything in life that will serve as the one thing to uplift and motivate us. But I was privileged enough to have Him walk me through the last few years of my 20’s into my 30’s.

I am privileged enough to have Him pick me up every-time I break into small broken pieces. And now, in my mid-late 30’s I am learning to stop wanting what I don’t need and to strive for only that which will enrich my spirit and build into my legacy for my children.

He constantly reassures me every time I take a leap of faith.

I never know the outcome but I taste, touch, smell, hear, feel and see the privilege of having the one thing in my life that can overcome any of the challenges that the imbalances of life throws at me.

I don’t feel in competition with others anymore, I don’t pay attention to those who try to discredit me or deny my existence.

I don’t have to lose anymore so that you can win. That is not what imbalance of life is all about. Sometimes in life, we have to experience imbalance in order to understand what it is that we truly need. This allows us to become the best version of ourselves. When life throws you off balance, it’s only a matter of time, patience, determination, logic and faith that will help to re-position you.

If life for you is and always has been easy, then you have not lived and you are not yet the best version of yourself.

My past hardships are some of the secrets to my success. Whilst I would never wish them on anyone else, I have to acknowledge how much they have shaped the person that I am now. They have become the foundations on which I have built my life. I walk all over my hardships every day as a reminder of everything that I have been through and a warning of what I will return to if I allow my focus to shift towards other people and their privilege. Their privilege is their own story and I don’t have the right to pass judgement. Nor do I have the time or the patience to focus on other people’s journey. It is not my job to understand their journey. My own journey is much too exhausting for that.

What is most important about our destination is what we acquire, learn and surround ourselves with on the journey there. It is these things that will ensure that the destination is enjoyable and strong enough to become a legacy for generations to come.

If we can truly understand the importance of our own imbalance then maybe we can start to understand the privilege of having it and the greatness that could potentially come out of it. “We are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

Romans 8:37

If your life feels unbalanced right now, have faith that with the right tools and mindset, things will balance themselves out.

You’ve made it this far, what makes you think that you can’t make it even further?

Don’t let the imbalances of life win. You were not born to lose.

“Neither death, nor life, neither angels, nor demons, neither the present, nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

Standard
Uncategorized

How can you expect your life to change if you don’t change yourself first? 

img_0705I have a habit of keeping things to myself. I now consider it quite a bad habit, because a habit that does me no good is no good to me.
There are many sayings which teach us about the importance of keeping your business to yourself, it’s nothing to do with anybody else! But can the same be said about God’s business? I’m a Christian, not the best by all means, but I try to be the best that I can be. I understand the power of fellowship and I appreciate how God uses other people to speak directly into my situations and to counsel me when I need it and even when I think I don’t. It’s a constant reminder that His power and His spirit is in and around me every challenging step of this amazing way.

And yet I have still spent so many years keeping things to myself. Things that I felt ashamed of, things that I felt that others wouldn’t understand, things that I felt no one else would care about, things that overwhelmed me and convinced me that no one should know for fear of being judged or cast away.

Things have a way of making you feel as if nothing else matters.

The enemy has a way of convincing you to keep things hidden away because what is kept in the dark is to its glory.

But my biggest lesson learned this year was such an eye opener. It helped me to understand why I spent so many years stuck in a vicious cycle of hurt, doubt and inconsistency.

In order to truly experience God’s mercy and Grace we have to be willing to reveal so that He can heal. If we don’t share our problems how we can we expect them to get fixed? God will wait, He’s good at that! Especially when it comes to us stubborn humans like me! We convince ourselves that our healing is unobtainable because we are undeserving. I spent so many years feeling this way. As a result I cut myself off from the very people that I believe God sent my way to help me through my pain. Sometimes our pain is so loud and blinding that it prevents us from obtaining that which God has set out for us.

So I began to reveal so that I could heal. I recognised that I am above my pain because I changed my perspective. My gaze rested on my God given purpose and it revealed exactly what I needed to do.

I stopped wishing and started praying for better days. I started sharing my heart with a few trusted souls and they helped me to work through some of the darkest days of my life.

We were not sent here to get through life alone. Even if it’s just one person in our life, we need to have others in our life that we can rely on.

I understand how traumatic loneliness can be and how damaging it can be to an individual’s mental state, I’ve been there, at times, I’m still there, but I keep believing, keep praying and keep hoping because I know the power and might that it has taken to get me to where I am now.

During this festive season, I am so thankful for all that I am and how far I have come.

I’ve lost so much but gained so much more. I have given up so many times in this past year alone, but by God’s grace and the love and support of a trusted few I have made it and I’m still winning.

If you want your life to change, you have to change yourself first.

I had to change my mindset in order to elevate and experience growth. The kind of growth that will form the foundation of the legacy that I hope to leave behind for my children and their children and generations to come.

In order to be the person that I am now I had to accept that where I was, wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I accepted that doing the same thing in a different way was not going to get me anywhere but stuck where I was.

I had to overcome fear, disappointment, loss, grief and replace them with courage, determination and resilience.

As a result, my children have a mum that they can rely on and I can rely on myself to make the right choices for the right reasons.

Because I changed first, my life changed.

I will walk into 2018 with a stronger body, mind and spirit.

If you want change in your life you have to be willing to change bad habits about yourself first. Only then will you truly experience everlasting and meaningful change.
#YouChangeLifeChange

#BreatheNewLifeIntoYou

#PowerAndSpirit

#GodFirst

#Selflove

#2018

#LegacyBuilding

#I’mAmazing

#GodIsAmazing

Standard
Uncategorized

It’s a new year but what’s new?

image

2016 has arrived but what are you bringing into it?
It’s time to start afresh and let go of everything that didn’t work out in 2015.
2016 is a chance to start afresh and get it all right this time. Out with the old and in with the new. But what is new about your approach this year?

So you spent much of last year making choices which often may have turned out to be the wrong ones. You didn’t quite stick to your resolution or achieve the goals that you set out for yourself.
So what do you need to change in order to start experiencing success?
It can be worrying when having to accept that the problem may have been you all the long because you let your inability to overcome your fears stand in your way.
Worry didn’t fix anything, all it ever did was create anxiety. But remember that the Bible says:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
(Philippians 4:6, NIV)

You could possibly be forgiven for wanting to throw in the towel after what you’ve been through. You might even feel like turning your back on God at times because it is hard to understand why he would put you through certain things, but what I would say in order to keep that hope alive in your heart is to remember that “this is not it for you.There’s more. So much more goodness, mercy and grace in store for you.”
We know this because the bible tells us and confirms this in Isaiah 40:31,

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

It also says in Lamentations 3:25

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

So you see, God has not forgotten you even if at times you seemed to forget Him through your trials. You must continue to put your hope in Him. You must continue to trust Him with your life.

Faith is an amazing thing and it will give you the strength to keep going and to continue building your legacy.

The Bible also says that the Lord will be a refuge for His people.
He hears the cries of our hearts even when we refuse to listen, even when we can’t form the words to express how we feel.

There are times when we just need to be still and go to that secret place.
Psalms 27:14 says;
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

It takes a lot of courage to just be still and obedient as we wait on the Lord to guide us.
But He has bought you this far, and He didn’t bring you this far to just leave you. In order to be an overcomer there has to be things that we have to overcome. Life was never meant to be easy but if it ever is then maybe you need to find yourself a new challenge.

So what’s new about this year?

It’s attitude, approach and ability.

Having the right attitude to carry you forward and identify where the change needs to happen;

Having the right approach towards living out your purpose and creating a strong foundation on which to build your legacy which is integral to your personal growth and success;

Having the ability to use your skills effectively to maximise your potential which is testament to how far you have come and how much further you are likely to travel on your journey.

Remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you feel. and smarter than you think

It’s a New Year, make sure that it’s also a New You!

Standard