Am I really headed in the right direction?

Recently I keep finding myself wondering if I’m where I should be. I question my position in life and wonder if I should have gone about things differently. I find myself doubting the choices that I have made and begin to convince myself that I’ve made too many mistakes to be living right.

I add further insult to injury by focusing too much on how much I’ve lost instead of how much I’ve gained. How far I still have to go instead of how far I’ve actually come.

The irrational thoughts begin to spiral out of control as the nonsense begins to suddenly make sense. I become trapped in my own web of deceit.

It’s so easy to look down on yourself. It’s much harder to shift your perspective and look up to the power and strength that you truly are.

I find myself feeling angry at times without even really knowing why. But it is common knowledge that anger is a symptom of fear.

I realised that my fear stems from the ability to keep comparing myself to others and the inability to recognise the uniqueness that makes me the wonderful, motivated and aspirational woman that I am now.

I believe that the many questions and doubts are signposts towards an uncertainty as a result of straying away from where God needs us to be.

We have to learn to listen to the questions and let the answers that are revealed guide us back to centre.

Often it’s not obvious that we have strayed because where we end up can feel comfortable. But it’s only when we make ourselves uncomfortable that we truly experience real growth and change for the better. We were not built to stay the same forever. We have to let go in order to grow. We have to accept change in order to gain. We have to remain determined and strong in order to hold onto what we need and believe.

Everything that I have done, everything that I have seen, everywhere that I have been is rooted into my journey because it’s the only way that I could learn one of my life’s very important lessons.

I’ve never done anything that God didn’t need me to do. I’ve never seen anything that God didn’t need me to see. I’ve never been anywhere where God didn’t need me to be.

Every joy, every pain, every love, every shame, everything that has chipped away at me has shaped me into the person that I am today.

For this reason I can’t have any regrets. For this reason I have to accept that I am exactly where God needs me to be, seeing exactly what he needs me to see, doing exactly what he needs me to do.

I may not truly understand but it’s not my job to understand. My job is to have faith that in all things, God will bring me through and keep me close to him.

So the next time that you’re questioning why or wondering why not, remember to look within to analyse how much you need to learn about where you are so that you can apply that learning to the next phase. This is not it for you.

You are exactly where you need to be. It will lead you to where you need to go.

Consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.’ Romans 8:18 NIV


Handle with care

Are you prepared enough and strong enough in your self to be able to catch me when I fall?

I have often wrestled with my self-esteem and even today I’m not feeling as strong and confident as I normally do.
But one thing that I can be sure of is how much I value my strength. It is my strength that ensures that despite these low moments I will continue to keep going. You may see me struggle but you will never see me give up.

One thing I have learned, especially over the past year is that the human body and mind is very fragile. You have to work hard to maintain them and build them up. If I fall I may break so I have to surround myself with those who are strong enough and willing enough to catch me before I fall.
I’m not going to lie, there is not an orderly line of people cueing around the block to mend me if I break.
However, if you put yourself forward as someone who wishes to catch me if I fall, be sure that you handle me with care. My heart is way too delicate to be dropped the moment that you decide you are not strong enough to handle all that I am.

I cannot be protected, or loved or valued with words, only actions.
What you do matters more to me than what you say. Words can be manipulated and subject to interpretation but actions cannot be as easily misunderstood.
Some people say what they mean and do what they say. It’s very clear who these people are because you never see them, they’re too busy doing what they said they were going to do. They recognise that they can only shape their destiny with actions and not just words alone.
For those who spend their days trying to convince others with words over actions, please understand that you cannot catch a falling star by telling it that you will catch it; you actually have to physically reach out for that star and catch it before it falls away.

Words miss opportunities, actions catch them.