I often wonder about what is to come.
Is it going to get any better?
Is this is it for me?
Is the pain and suffering that I’m experiencing now worth all of the trouble that it’s causing?
Every time that these thoughts come, I think back to previous battles that I didn’t think were worth fighting for, I think of the times when I didn’t think that I was strong enough to overcome. I look back at the times when I was on my knees, crying out to God for his Mercy and Grace which just seemed to never come. I think of all of the people who gave up on me because my pain was too much for them to bear.
I think of the times when I was calling for the light to brighten the darkness that I was trapped in.
I ponder the moments when the spirit of God seemed to just pass me by, when it seemed as if I wasn’t worth saving, when nothing else mattered other than no longer existing.
I think of all of these moments of brokenness. I wonder how I’m still here, still breathing, basking in the joy that fills my soul; the very soul that until recently felt empty, void of any hope, powerless and lost.
I couldn’t have survived all that I’ve been through without the intervention of a higher power. Without the mercy and patience of a power beyond anything I could ever try to imagine.
It’s not something that I find easy to explain, it’s not something I would even expect many to understand. But for the few that do, be encouraged, it does get better. I can testify that even in this moment, what lies ahead really is worth holding out for.
The extraordinary tends not to make much sense to begin with. Instead of wasting energy trying to comprehend that which is holding us together, use the time instead to deepen the connection to it and as the relationship develops, so too will the understanding of it.
I don’t claim to fully overstand every experience that I have faced, but I try to look within each one for the lesson it was trying to teach me. I aim to grasp the authenticity of every interaction that touches my mind, body and spirit.
My aim is to deepen my connection with my inner self so that my outer being can evoke a strength beyond any barrier that might try to bend or break me.
I am a spirit builder, I won’t stop until the foundation is set and that which is built upon it is strong enough to withhold any storm. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m working everyday towards the goal.
The light within must shine bright enough to drown out even the darkest shadow.
I have hope that I will get there. My hope keeps me going everyday, even when the past fights to keep me there, in my brokenness and hopelessness. I keep pushing through and continue to press ahead.
I will not surrender. I will not forget how much I have already overcome.
I will breath, I will survive, I will be ok.
‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God’. (John 14:1)
#Yes #IAmInAwe #Love #Power #Might #Spirit #KeepGoing #ItsJustATest #YouWillWin #GodsSpirit